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Singles Chat Live Talk Discussion
Harlan's Single Talkshop chat room "Talk It Out Therapy" is open 24/7. Use as needed. No appointment necessary, No waiting, No cost.
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| divorced and single mother |
| I am a divorced, single mother with a wonderful 3-year-old child. I do not want to get remarried or be in a live-in relationship, and I'm definitely not looking for a father for my child. At the same time, I find myself feeling compelled to find a companion. It's driving me nuts.
I have been separated from my ex-husband for almost two years. For all intents and
purposes, the day I moved out was the day we were divorced. Technically the divorce hasn't been final for even a year yet.
I was in a fairly serious relationship for about seven months beginning about nine months after the separation. It ended rather abruptly a few months ago. It hurt me a lot more than I realized.
I placed an online ad that resulted in having a lot of dates, but has left me more disillusioned than ever.
Being a mother is the most important thing in the world to me, yet thoughts of being in a happy relationship with a man keep distracting me. I find myself neglecting things I need to do and daydream instead. It is very self defeating. From in, I know and believe that true happiness can only come from within myself and I shouldn't need to have a man to feel completed.
Can you suggest some activities or support groups to keep me busy and distracted so I won't end up with another wrong man for the wrong reasons. Some positive alternatives to daydreaming...and how to get over this terrible habit.
I am an intelligent, independent woman, and my rational mind knows I don't even want to be in a serious relationship right now. Please offer any advice you can. |
| By : Jan : Female |
| Date/time : 16/11/09 10:11:32 |
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1 |
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NewlyLost |
| Gender |
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Male |
| Reply |
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I've really been hoping someone would answer you. I'm a divorcing male with no children, and no clue yet to how to maintain a healthy balance. I do hope someone can give us both the answer. I have been going to meetup dot com and finding friends in my areas of interest. I meet new people for movies, bowling, training, etc. You might try that. Otherwise, DivorceCare, therapy, work, and my friends are helping me keep moving forward. |
| Date/Time |
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17/11/09 19:44:01 |
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2 |
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Rachel 2009 :) |
| Gender |
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Female |
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Hopefully you have visited your "healthcare professional" concerning your daydreaming issues. I hope your healthcare professional has given you a clean bill of health. Hopefully there is no underlying health problem which could be causing your sense of daydreaming. Therefore; I will assume you are a very healthy and active individual. Now let's try to find productive and constructive activities for you and your child. It is best to put your child first (ahead of your own wants) and always keep him/her safe. I have offered a few of my suggestions which should keep you busy.
1. Go with your child to the library and allow him/her to check out their favorite childrens' books. Expose him/her to new and fun childrens' books and childrens' authors. The local public library is educational and free!
2. Read, read, read to your child. Teach your child the alphabet. It is very important to teach your child to read at an early age!
3. Volunteer and get involved as an informed parent at your child's pre-school.
4. Take your child to the zoo and teach your child about the animal kingdom. Animal petting zoos and farms are informative and interesting for kids and adults of all ages.
5. Perhaps your child can sing, dance, or even ice skate. Always put your children first. Expose them to physical educational activities. Encourage your child to develop proper physical coordination with proper diet and exercise. Enroll your child in enrichment courses such as kids cooking or arts and crafts.
6. Perhaps you could teach your child proper manners and hygiene (toothbrushing) for basic living.
7. Buy washable art supplies. Color and paint with your child. Find coloring books or draw on a mega roll of butcher paper. Have fun talking to and drawing with your child.
8. Checkout childrens' recipe books (local library) and create nutritious snacks with your child. Allow your child to safely cook with you.
9. If you are on a tight budget; find a low cost thrift shop to discover childrens' educational books and educational toys.
If you are still finding extra time to sit around and daydream; then get busy and clean out your closets and drawers. Organize, organize, organize! Mop your kitchen floor and disinfect your bathroom. Try painting the dirty walls in your house. Paint is very economical. Your home will appear fresh and clean if you paint over your dirty wood trims. If you have a lawn; why not rake and bag your leaves and allow your child to help you. Clean and vacuum your house and vehicle. Disinfect your refrigerator/freezer. Clean out your unwanted clothes and donate them to your local thrift shop. Teach your child to donate their clothes and toys to the thrift shop too. Your child will see you as a giving role model as you give to others in need.~~~I cannot begin to write down all of the productive and constructive activities which you can do with your child as you put your child first in your life. Personally I think there is a great deal of daily work which can always be addressed. Hopefully my suggestions above will help you to get motivated and find less time for daydreaming. Good luck! |
| Date/Time |
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18/11/09 01:32:03 |
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3 |
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Tracy |
| Gender |
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Female |
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Hi Jan! I posted almost the exact same thing just now LOL. I am facing the same issue. My compulsion is Craigslist and I am also disilusioned with meeting men and need to take a break but actually doing that freaks me out.
I keep busy with work, friends, SCHOOL! Take a class, I have 2 cats now that are good company. I rent Netflix movies and love going to the movies.
I sympathize with what you are going through, let me know if you want to talk further in email. |
| Date/Time |
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18/11/09 16:29:15 |
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4 |
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Rachel 2009 :) |
| Gender |
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Female |
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Not sure but I think Singles Talk Shop may possibly have more than one "Jan" on this forum??? For example: As you scroll down under the create your new topic post on the main page from "Alexis" on 5/23/09 entitled (Getting Past The Re-entry Process For 50+ Women); there you will find ID#11 reply from "Jan" dated 11/6/09.~~~~ Jan's recent post above (Divorced and Single Mother--dated 11/16/09) appear to contradict each other . Please forgive me if I am wrong, but do we have two different posters using the same name of "Jan"? Seems abit confusing to me. Could someone please clarify. Thank you. |
| Date/Time |
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19/11/09 01:48:41 |
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5 |
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Margie |
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Female |
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Hi Jan,
The only thing that I could suggest is that if you have other interests to get involved in. I've been single by choice for about 15 years, having two daughters to raise leaves little time for dating, now that they are both over 18, the idea of dating is coming back, although my dating skills are beyond rusty, they are corroted!
I am sure that daydreaming is not a mental condition...use that to your advantage and start daydreaming about what your perfect life would be like, and especially about the qualities you would enjoy in a partner. God gave us the imagination to create wonderful lives for ourselves...oh yes, and one other thing that I found helpful...buy a good shower massage...this takes the edge off. |
| Date/Time |
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19/11/09 17:33:38 |
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