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Singles Chat Live Talk Discussion
Harlan's Single Talkshop chat room "Talk It Out Therapy" is open 24/7. Use as needed. No appointment necessary, No waiting, No cost.
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| Coping with the emotions |
| How do you stay sane when you know that instigating a divorce is the right thing, but your heart is saying "how can you live without the person you have spent nearly 30 years with." My children and friends say it is the right thing to do, but deep down I have such strong feelings for him, even though I know I can never trust him again and he is so irritating, mostly due to his depression and medication.I suppose I am hurting because he says he doesn't want to be with me, which is why he was searching for women online.
How can I get rid of that hollow feeling in my stomach. I only chucked him out 12 days ago, so it is so hard. I told him I want a divorce, but he doesn't want to listen. I know a divorce is the final solution and I hope the way forward for me. I don't want to give him the opportunity to try and come back into my life if things go wrong for him. He is a wonderful person, but the most difficult person to live with. Even the kids, who love their dad dearly, are happier when he's not in the house.
I just hope I can cope as everybody says I am strong and I have to think where I want to be in 5 years time and think about where I would be in 5 years if I were to stay in this marriage. I know the answers would be very different.
Although I am thousands of miles away from my family, I have many good friends and activities to keep me busy, as well as my children and my work.
I hope the crying will eventually stop.
A distressed lady in the prime of her life. |
| By : Mardel : Female |
| Date/time : 20/11/09 10:49:34 |
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1 |
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Farmer Bear |
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Male |
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Well, Mardel, I was a husband who was divorced by my wife of 30 years and I have to say I was a basket case for a while, although I continued to work, etc, and my teen aged daughter stayed with me. She was great company and a wonderful friend through a very difficult time. I tried to see everything through my ex's eyes and I think she was probably right to leave me. I was not abusive. She said she just didn't feel loved. I'll always feel sad about it. We dated off and on for about three years. However, I met someone at work who was "the one". That marriage lasted for six years. I was happy beyond belief and I still love her very much. However, she met someone else and I'm divorced for a second time. Now, though, I have been left with two wonderful sons. It's hard to know how things will work out. I don't think we have the imagination to even guess what will happen to us down the road. I'm retired, so I get to be the at-home parent I never had the good luck to be with my first two children. My retired friends are travelling and golfing and I don't envy them for one minute. If I hadn't remarried and had children I wouldn't have any idea what a Pokemon was or a Bionicle or start the day watching Dinosaur Train. Believe me, life goes on. At some point soon you will be a lady in the prime of her life who is not distressed and you'll be in an entirely different place. I wish you all the best. |
| Date/Time |
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22/11/09 00:07:53 |
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2 |
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Mardel |
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Female |
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Farmer Bear thank you so much for your kind response. The tears still keep flowing, but everybody around me tell me I will get on and my life will be better, but it just takes time. I am also lucky to have three lovely children who invite me out with them, so I don't have to sit at home thinking too much.
My husband actually said that "I deserved better than him" and I am sure he is right.
I just hope I can see the light at the end of the tunnel sooner,rather than later. |
| Date/Time |
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22/11/09 00:51:30 |
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3 |
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LilyMuse |
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Female |
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I know how it feels, eventhough I wasn't married to him for 30 years, it hurts all the same. We were together for 12 years, married for 8. I guess we argued a couple of times a year. This las Jan., we decided to build a house, sell my house, and ejoy our lives.
When I met my spouse, he had nothing...literally. He was younger and I thought it would be a great fling after my first divorce. I had no intention of staying with him. But we clicked. He started at low paying jobs, but worked himself into a high paying executive job about 2 years ago. For 10 years, I made significantly more money than him and supported us the best I could.
He hired a young girl to do tech writing. She reports to one of his managers. They started chatting constantly....at work...at home...calls...etc. After we moved to a temporary apartment after I sold my house, I noticed the constant IMing...hours every night. I found e-mails that they shared discussing private marital information, and then I saw his phone bills where they spent hours and hours on the phone and texting...even at 2...3...4 in the morning.
When I confronted him, he told me he wasn't in love with me any more. My heart broke. He had been having an emotional affair with this employee for a while.
I just feel miserable...even though we are going through a divorce, I feel betrayed, played, degraded, and very depressed. |
| Date/Time |
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30/11/09 11:44:38 |
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4 |
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Mardel |
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Female |
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I didn't realise how many people are going through the same pain at the same time, until I started researching the internet about divorce and separation. I don't plan to sit at home and cry and let him spoil my future. Divorce is hard, but I try to keep busy and think positively about the future. Lily, you have managed to get over one divorce, I am sure you will find the strength to get through this one. Remember, don't blame yourself.
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13/12/09 23:39:14 |
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